* You find a worn scrap of paper on the ground? Read it?

* ...

* Against all better judgement, you pick it up. You read what you can...

OHH, ------! Fair, ------! How GLORIOUS thou art...

How debonaire, how brave of heart...

Of her majesty's guards, you are the best!

Thou simply doth pass every test...

* It- It really does just keep going. You skip a few lines...

The toughest of armour... The sharpest of blade...

A shining beacon within T-- -----!!

* Oh my god, OK. You skip to the VERY LAST LINES.

AND SO... what better way to recount my story...

Then a poem to MINE SELF... to tell of my glory...

By the by, I truly am mine own greatest squire...

* The bottom of the page is marked 'C', in meticulous calligraphy...

* ...oh?

* You notice a note angrily scribbled in the margin...

And, despite what those other IMBECILES may suggest...

YOU ARE OF AN ADEQUATE HEIGHT!!!

'Tis completely normal to require assistance reaching the royal cookie jar...